Cherie's Story
Diagnosis: Bi-lateral
Date written: 10/99
My story is not one of Medical miracles, but that of a little girl who was
born into a society that cowered away from difference. A society that would
rather not deal with physical or mentally challenged children or adults for
that matter. Then on December 21, 1972, I, Cherie Rankin, was born. I was
ready to face the challenges that lie ahead and believe me there were many
of them.
My parents were faced with decision, that still to this day, I can not fathom
the thought of ever having to make such a decision. They were given the option
of foot amputation. From the conversations I have had with my Mom, although
they struggled with this decision, in their hearts they knew they had to
give me the chance to conquer this world the way I was born. I do not claim
to think that this is the only way, but for myself it was the way I was meant
to live. I am grateful to my parents for many things, but of all the decisions
to be made this was the beginning of the road they paved for me.
My memories of the Medical Experts are not fond ones. Sadly, when I was young,
little was known about PFFD. There fascination with my condition seemed to
drown out there compassion. My dignity was taken from me each time I walked
through those clinic doors. My mom put a stop to that. I was just a little
girl and I just wanted to know what was going on. One man understood. He
was the Orthodics technician who Had a heart I have yet to find again. I
recently wrote him a letter of gratitude. I do not wish to dwell on this,
but just to let you know how important dignity is. Without it what is meant
to be good turns bad.
I wish All I had to speak of was triumphs and happy endings, but that is
not real. My teenage years were very difficult. Imagine going through adolescents
on top of being a social outcast. I hated the world and started to feel like
the world owed me something. I would wake up every morning and wallow in
self pity. I dreaded school because I knew I would have to face the ignorance
of my peers, who had no compassion for anyone but themselves. I never fought
back. I had a group of friends who struggled with the normal things that
teenage girls do. I trusted them and would do anything to make sure I never
lost their approval. We went through a stage where they felt embarrassed
to be around me. For a while I had no friends and I was dying inside. Eventually
they came around. To this day two of the girls I have remained friends with.
I forgave them a long time ago for not accepting me at that time. To do that
I remembered the feelings I felt when I was 15 and imagined they were going
through similar issues.
I remember coming home crying everyday from the age 13-15. I shut everyone
out because no one understood. This leads me to an important lesson I've
learned. When a person is feeling like no one understands what you are going
through they probably don't, but in some way they can relate to experiences
in their life. Letting people into your heart can help! It has taken me until
now to realize that. I have a very close friend who has been through a lot.
She is absolutely gorgeous inside and out. We have been friends for many
years, but about a year ago she came to live with me. We thought we were
so different and neither one of us understood the way the other was feeling.
She deals with a lot of the same issues I do. I have come to many realizations
because of her presence in my life.
For many years I longed to be "normal", to be just one in the crowd. Now,
NO WAY. I can make a difference by not just blending in. At the age of 9
years old I learned that I had a gift that should be shared. I could sing!
I devoted 11 years of my life to this. I had a good voice, but that was not
the reason I could captivate an audience. I had away to make the audience
feel exactly what I was feeling. When I walked on that stage it didn't matter
that I only stood 4' tall. What really mattered was what I offered from the
inside and to this day still holds true in life.
One of the proudest moments of my life was my High school Graduation. I stood
in front of 2000 people, all 4' of me and sang my heart out to people who
have for many years teased me. I received a standing ovation. I truly believe
that was a moment that changed my life forever.
At 18, I moved into an apartment with a friend. I answered a local add in
the paper looking for Blackjack dealers. I guess I should tell you I have
one arm that is "normal" the other is short and ends in a stub with one finger.
I was determined to do what everyone thought was impossible, I guess that's
a pattern I have developed from the time I took my first step and never looked
back. I soon began to work in the Casino, I had to prove myself to many people,
but it became a challenge to me to see how many people would be in shock
that I could deal. Today I live in Niagara Falls Canada and work as a Pit
Manager for the largest Casino in Canada. I have all the amenities in my
life; a car, a home and 2 cats. I have a rather normal dating life, as normal
as dating can be. And like any young woman I hope that someday I will be
swept off my feet and eventually start a family
I was asked a question recently that made me really think about the supporters
I have had around me for my whole life. The question was who was my personal
mentor? I began to remember a story that still to this day brings a smile
to my face. When I was a baby my brother was only 3 years old, when his little
sister came home. Like any child he was curious. It was not very long after
I was brought home that my Mom realized that she could not leave band aids
in the house because my brother would use a whole box on my right arm because
he believed I had a "boo boo". In one story that pretty much summarizes what
my brother has been like my whole life. If there was a way to fix something
he would have gone to the end of the earth to find it. He dreams of becoming
a Doctor and I truly hope he is given that chance. I can not think of a better
man to practise medicine. He is the most compassionate and caring individual
I have ever met and quite frankly he is my mentor.
My parents decided at a very young age I would be treated like every child.
Society viewed me as a fragile child who perhaps should be limited in my
activities. I'm sure they thought about this every time I came up with something
more challenging then my last activity. I played volleyball on the Junior
High team, won awards for Badminton and the one thing I'm sure my Mom had
hard time letting me go; skiing. They allowed me to take my falls and get
back on my feet. They patched me up when I would fall off my bike. They never
let me give up. It would have been so easy for them to let me set limitations
on my life, but when I tried they made me realize that's not who I am. It
is so important to allow a child to challenge themselves, it makes us stronger
and determined, although some would call it being stubborn.
I pondered for many hours on just how much detail to write in my story. I
came to see I can tell you in detail many experiences in my life good and
bad, but my goal remains the same. If a child or parent reads this story
and reaches out to me for help. I don't claim to be an expert, I'm still
learning everyday. When I was little girl I wished that I had someone to
turn to and ask everyday questions, like "how do I make it through dance
lessons at school?" Things that can not be taught from a book or hurt feelings
that cannot be healed by the words " just ignore them". I am 26 years old
and have aspirations of becoming an inspirational speaker. This is the beginning
of my journey.
I will leave you with this. In order to become who or what you want to be
you must accept yourself. It took me a very long time to do so. Now I hold
my head high and look at my disability as an advantage. Like all of us we
all have our off days, but that's what makes all of us human.
Please feel free to write to me, I would love to help or just listen. My
E-mail address is
paigow@cgocable.net.
Cherie Rankin